last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
