If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
