Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize