So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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