is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
