and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
