Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
