the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Houston, we have a blender
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
