if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
