i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
as a side note pls kill me
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