why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
