I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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