I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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