why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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