My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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