Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
