Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize