I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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