I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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