I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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