Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
