can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
