"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
