I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
