I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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