brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
