so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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