To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
