i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
