my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
