My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
