So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
