I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
