You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
