So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
