The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
