Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
