Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
