1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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