Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize