Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
