Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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