do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
