I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
