Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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