He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
