You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
