Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
