you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
