mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
