it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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