Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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