There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
