Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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