Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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