I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
