just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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