i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Too much gin, very little bucket
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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