I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
