I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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