These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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