It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
