Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
