Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize