We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
