I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
