we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
