and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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