Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm really busy with my period
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