My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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