...so i touched it.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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