using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
