Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Alive.
So much puke
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
