if i can run in heels then i can drive
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
