Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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