I bet he comes in French.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
