It's Friday. Sex?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
