drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
