just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
