your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
