This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
