Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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