Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
