I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
