Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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