Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
50% drunk capacity currently
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
