Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize