I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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