I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
