I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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