I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
