Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
