I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
