Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
