were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it because I queefed?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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