The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
