So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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