i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
