Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
