I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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