You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
