Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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