I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
