I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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