miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize