maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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