Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
