nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
