on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
